Hello, Internet. I Have a Comfort Movie Problem and I need to Talk About It.

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Hi, all! My name’s Bailey and I’ve known Mia since waaay the heck back when, back when she was small enough to fit into the trash can outside our high school theater office. Which, come to think of it, she still is. Just goes to show you, time has absolutely no effect on the best of friendships…or something.

Anyway, she asked me to contribute to this blog which is great because I have this issue and I know that we’ve just met and everything but I feel like I can trust you and you’ll be understanding and nonjudgmental. Mia and Omar did a great segment on comfort movies that, in the event you haven’t watched it already, you can see here, but I move that there is a category of comfort movie that operates on an even more subconscious level. This is the Background Filler Movie. You know, the one that you put on while you’re vacuuming (thereby rendering it almost completely impossible to actually watch the movie in any capacity whatsoever) or trying to fold socks or organizing your scarf collection. A movie that makes your house…and life…seem not quite so…empty (tragic sigh). In years past my Background Filler Movies have been things like My Fair Lady or Gigifilms that have about as much threat potential as a basket of Easter-colored Peeps.

But as of late a shadow and a threat has been growing in my mind. Something draws near…I can feel it. And that something is the fact that my current background filler comfort movie is the Swedish adaptation of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.

Let’s recap. My “comfort movie” has gone from this:

To this.

For those unfamiliar, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo is a trilogy based on a bestselling book series by Swedish author Steig Larsson. The content runs the gamut of all sorts of horrid things that people are capable of doing to one another. I mean, pretty much, you name it, they got it. When people ask me what I think of the series as a whole, this is inevitably the conversation:

Person on Bus: I am reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, as is everyone else on this public transit system. What think you of this series? I construct my sentences as though I doth be from ye olde England days of yore.

Me: Well, I think the central investigation is fascinating and they’re well written, but I feel that Larsson oversteps himself trying to make Salander unique. He has people talk about her being unique far more than he actually shows it, and besides I feel that the central violence is so repugnant as to almost be exploitative.

Person on Bus: Oh…well, I think this is my stop.

Me: This is a sewage plant.

Person on Bus: Oh, yeah, right…um…I am a sewage man.

Oh, Internet, I don’t know what it is! There’s barely a catchy musical number in the entire Girl With the Dragon Tattoo trilogy. Is it because they’re easy? (The whole series is available on Instant) I am a woman who likes a good mystery but what good does that do for me here? Let me remind you that the movies are in Swedish. This means that the only time I can actually understand what is going on without looking at the screen is when someone is being tortured or raped or chopped up and burned into tiny, teensy-weensy little bits. (“AUAGGHGHHHGHEIGNNGNGUGOOHGHhgrgle” is a pretty universal statement.)

It does feel a bit better now that I’ve got all that off my chest. I guess I could just tell people that I’m just trying to absorb the Swedish language (because everyone needs to know how to say “bestiality” in a foreign tongue). For now, I’ll try to stay strong. How about you? Do you have any hidden comfort movie skeletons in your closet? The ones that, when you realize you’re watching them for background noise, make you make this face:

Share your movies with us below! Together we shall overcome.

-Baz

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